Jackass 3-D review – kinda’ – mostly me bitching about how they were mean to animals.

Jackass 3-D was pretty lame and they were a little mean to animals, which is annoying.

The Animal stuff:

Yes, I kind of have to say it, Jackass 3-D was too mean to animals. It has never bothered me before, but this time I just felt a little weird. I’m not an extremist when it comes to animal cruelty, but I just think the movie took it too far. I don’t like seeing animals being taken advantage of for our entertainment. It just isn’t nice. I’m a card carrying carnivore and eat meat 6 to 7 times a day, but having scared and confused animals perform tricks and aggressions for human amusement is stupid. Also, I’m well aware that the stunts were monitored by special interest animal groups such as American Humane Association (ironically?). But many of the stunts did go unmonitored.

Also, even on top of that, I read that some of the shots were faked – such as the snake pit with Bam, so that there was no actual snakes in there, but still, it sits weird with me. Why have to fake them? It says the wrong things about people and animals….I think?

The argument that the Jackass crew is doing worst things to themselves is not an acceptable excuse for doing cruel(ish) things to animals. The Jackass crew are human beings and can use reason to decide danger vs non-danger. The animals are scared and defending themselves with fight or flight and when they run and hit people….it is kind of fucked up.

This might sound like babyish bitching, ha maybe it is, but the point is you shouldn’t take advantage of an animal’s fears for personal entertainment. It begs the question: What is too far? Blood sport is too far, obviously, but where do we draw the line?

For example, Steve-O, a proud vegan and animal activist, said he felt a twinge of guilt over getting in the ring with a ram and having it run full blast at him. Why did he feel this way? Because it is fucked up. That little ram is scared shitless and thinks they’re going to hurt him. Moreover, Ryan Dunn was using a French Horn and the ram ran its head into the horn. Now I know that its head is designed to take an unbelievable amount of force, but it is the principle. The poor little bastard doesn’t deserve that, it just isn’t necessary.

Moreover, Knoxville thinks it is hilarious to get himself nailed by a buffalo…and so it is, but it isn’t necessarily cool that they’re putting the buffalo at risk by having it run at him full force and hit him. I’m sure it poses little threat to the buffalo, but c’mon man, what’s the point? It’s like the bee thing. They filled a apparatus with bees and hit it like a tether ball. Sure, bees suck, but they don’t have to be swatted and or killed for a laugh. I read that very few of the bees were real, mostly CGI, but still, lame.

Anyway, the movie, real quick:

The gags were…alright. I found myself just wanting more. After the second film’s terrorist skit I can’t get to that level of awesomeness.

The staginess was also bothersome and I know that just comes with the project, but sometimes it was just too much. A lot of the skits went on too long such as the gorilla skit and Knoxville as an old person. The opening and closings were really the low point. They were just too obsessed with being 3-D. Yes, 3-D is cool, but they ain’t James Cameron. Do what you’re good at.

A perfect example of my gripe would be the tee ball to Steve-o’s dick scene. Here’s how it SHOULD have gone down:

Either A.) It is a quick fade-in, BOW, ball goes into his dick, fade-out. That is hilarious. Because it is mysterious, weird, and just insane. The build up was too big for something that wasn’t that clever.

Or B.) The camera plays tricky in revealing exactly what is happening…then bam, shot in the balls.

I don’t know, maybe it is the old skate boarder in me, but this film just felt too polished.

Collin says: C

-Collin