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Top ten sexy tips for starting a movie blog.

 

1. Get fucking started. (The pictures are just from movies I like)

The worst thing you can do is bitch and moan and say it is impossible. There are many great quotes about how beginning something is half the journey — this is true. A lot of people obsess about how to start. WordPress? Hire someone? Joomla? Page rank? Domain name? Google blog?

That is all bullshit.

Buy a domain name and throw WordPress on it. Get some hosting (I use Bluehost) and maybe even buy a template. End of story. Use WordPress.

WordPress has SO MUCH community support that you have no excuse not to jump into it.

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Top Ten Steven Spielberg movies

Love him or hate him he’s probably the most significant filmmaker of all time. A lot of people (especially at the film school I went) to disregard him as as farcical.  That he’s a manipulative filmmaker who plays at the audience’s emotions too much. No film’s merits are more controversial than Shindler’s List, a movie I’m, as George Bush would say, a flip-flopper in regards to whether I love it or not.

As a summer of sequels and big-budget film nears, with promises of domination from “studio flicks”, I choose to celebrate the man that started it all. Most of all, I hope to emphasize the difference between Spielberg, why I disliked him for a while, and how he walks the line of cheesy sentimentalist and master of form.

While this list isn’t particularly unique, it is one that I’ve been pining over for some time. I’ve succumb to the realization that Spielberg might be one of the best filmmakers of all time. This list is just a bit of therapy.

10. Shindler’s List

I could one day write a book on the controversy surrounding the movie. I wondered whether to even include it on my list in order to avoid defending its (low) position. I must concede its greatness, however. It is the most important Holocaust movie ever made. One of my majors in college was History Studies, with an emphasis in European History in the Twentieth Century. Much of America’s view (and images) of the Holocaust comes from this little, wonderful movie about a good man who changed from being an egotist to an altruist – a beautiful and worthy story.

The world deserves to see this movie. My middle school teacher, Mr. Manske, made it required viewing. However, as Terry Gilliam (quoting Kubrick) stated, “Shindler’s List is about success, the Holocaust was about failure”. I’ve never discussed the movie with my Jewish friends (most of my friends are Jewish) because their perspective is narrow. They already had all the answers growing up. What is one’s impression who had never heard of the Holocaust or who had never even met a Jew before? I don’t know, but I’m sure it isn’t what it should be. The movie is an undeniable masterpiece, so emotionally devastating that to even hear its theme music can put lumps in my throat.

9. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I recently caught this movie on T.V. and was reminded what great entertainment it is. The Indiana Jones flicks, now widely-known to be influenced by serials, are movies you flip to and just have to watch to the end. I’m not including the first on this list, (spoiler alert) but I won’t go into why . Too confusing.

What I will say is the genius of Spielberg, and his writers, is his combination of different “tension elements”. For the most classic example I would give the Indiana fight on the tank. He must deal with:

1. The Germans inside.

2. Falling off and being crushed by the rocks.

3. His father and friend being killed.

4. A truck filled with Nazis (blown-up by Connery)

5. Then the tank going off the cliff.

 

Watch all Spielberg set-pieces, many of them work like this – as do many of Lucas’.

8. Empire of the Sun

I have a huge soft spot for this little-discussed entry into Spielberg’s more dramatic works. Spielberg’s obsession with innocence in the face of reality is no more apparent than in this fantastic story written by JG Ballard, which was based on his experiences in similar camps as a boy.

Christian Bale, only a small boy, puts in a heroic performance and only its thematic uncertainties prevent this movie from more popularity. Movies about expatriates in wartime circumvent my defenses and penetrate deep into me – even if they’re not perfect. If you haven’t seen this flawed, but great, film, rent it or find it on Netflix. It is worth your time. Few movies are as shamelessly abusive of our sentimentality.

7. Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park is a great movie. F-you haters. Few movie going experiences stick with you as a kid; this one did. It was one of the first PG-13 movies I saw in the theater (I was six or seven) and had never been quite so wowed before. It wasn’t one of those, “I want to be a filmmaker moments”, but it definitely could have been.

All the complaints about the movie are valid. Crichton, after all, isn’t Shakespeare. However, the movie is for children and should always be considered that way. Or rather, was meant to make adults feel like children again.

6. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I’ve never seen the original serials that inspired the series (nor will I ever watch them), but I imagine that the second addition is the most loyal to these. It is the most straightforward of the whole series and by far my favorite. What a great movie. Filled with adventure, nonsense, tension, action, and even a funny sex quarrel.

I don’t count the fourth film as part of the series. This is for a variety of reasons, but most of all it is because the damn movie just didn’t have the gigantic temple sets and an “organic look”. The second film is the ultimate who-the-fuck-cares adventure film. The first and third have undercurrents of a Bondish-type feel. The second is a simple temple story – I like that about it. Not to mention fucking Short Round is amazing.

5. Minority Report


The best Philip K. Dick adaption aside from Blade Runner, Minority Report, would a be a shining achievement for an average director, but is relegated to only fifth because of Spielberg’s greatness. Spielberg’s story is very different than Dick’s, but captures the essence of a Dick novel. It is more action-packed, but just as cerebral. It has a great premise matched with perfect execution – which is a rarity indeed. This movie came out of a nowhere mostly because no one could have imagined it would be so good.

Many scenes are so memorable that I don’t even have to rewatch the movie to write this blurb. The best scene of the movie, and one of my favorites of Spielberg’s, is where Cruise’s character fumbles around the fridge to find a sandwich and milk, but only finds the rotten contents. What use did this part have? Well, what we get to see is the bizarre and unique sense of humor that Spielberg never really shows, or at least explores to a great degree.

What makes the movie a masterpiece, as well as one of the best, most under-appreciated, sci-f films ever, is that it has real thematic importance. You can turn your noise up at this comment, saying, ”Well, imagine if someone like Kubrick had done it”. Yes, a different movie indeed, which leads me to another movie…

4. A.I. Artificial Intelligence


So what if Kubrick had done it? A.I. was a movie he’d been planning for years, waiting for a time when the special effects would catch up . What a dark and dreary movie it would have been. It remains so, but with Spielberg’s flair for the sentimental tucked away in the existentially demanding questions Kubrick poses.

Roger Ebert claimed the ending was too sentimental. I agree it is sentimental, but the movie has the rare effect of becoming more depressing because of the sentimentality. The movie’s ending – the robots have become an almost spiritual race - is one of my favorite of all time. It questions more than “what does it mean to be human” and moves across time and space with such audacity, wondering on existential questions without actually posing them. What does a robot loving someone unconditionally say about the human race? I don’t know. So few Spielberg films leave questions unanswered, it is a treat that we got a little taste of Kubrick even after he was dead.

Spielberg has quieted his critics who claimed he changed Kubrick’s vision by going into the future in the movie. He added that Kubrick’s treatment had the same storyline. The story needed to remove the whole human race from the equation and allow the audience to ponder the purpose of our existence. Does the whole thing work through the eyes of a non-human? I think so, but some do not.

3. Jaws

I’m not going to write much because nothing really needs to be said. The movie opened everywhere at once and invented the blockbuster. It also (more importantly) asserted that a B-movie could be art. After all, only a few years later Ridley Scott would make the B-movie art film Alien. Jaws was a defining moment for the director – proving that he could roll with the punches and survive one of the more difficult movie shoots.

It deserves many of the accolades it gets and is, if anything, a showing of how truly enjoyable Spielberg’s filmmaking technique is. He pulls out all the stops and because his characters are so funny and “real”, the movie is able to avoid being style-over-substance, which is was very close to being. Great music, characters, and editing saves him from that.

2. Close Ecounters of the Third Kind

Is it slow? Is it kind of bizarre. Is it really that good? Well, yes, yes, and yes. If you haven’t seen it (many my age have not) check it out because it is one of the truly great treasures from Spielberg. His alien obsessions have been farcical of late, but few other movies imagine the real splendor of creatures from another planet like this one does.

Its beginnings evoke the shitty alien flicks from the fifty and sixties and sort-of tricks the audience into thinking they’re going to see something they’re not. Instead, it attempts to evoke a spiritual sense of aliens, the universe, and our place in it. Maybe not that much, but that is what I thought.

The fact that Roy Neary (Richard Dreyfuss) gets on the spaceship and abandons his family, who had all the right in the world to leave him, is a huge error on Spielberg’s part. A huge part of my youth, heavily influenced by my brother’s obsession with X-files, was pondering about aliens and hoping they were nice little men like in this movie.

I could go on about how stupid the aliens actually look, but I’ll leave that up to you.

1. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial


I can’t stand some kids movies these days. They are, with few exceptions from Pixar, shitty movies designed for two years olds. ET understands something fundamental about family entertainment: Scaring kids is good and totally acceptable.

I recently watched The Goonies, a movie that Sean Bean claimed was a c0-direction from Spielberg in Bean’s great book There and back again: An actors tale. The Goonies has dead bodies, skeletons, a monster with one eye, cursing, and serious possible death, but kids love it.

What makes E.T. so great is that it isn’t worried about making the movie too scary or “intense” for kids. It is a movie for adults, yes, but it is certainly aimed at children as well.

It is the best Spielberg movie of all time, one that I think even he claimed he’ll be remembered most for. I used to watch the movie over and over again when I was young, eventually wearing out the VHS tape it was on. Who can’t be charmed by the greatness of the bicycle scene or moved by the last moments of the movie?

- Collin

 

 

Top Ten Movies to put on at a party

Most movies that are great to throw on during a party are what most people call “cult films”. I’m sure some are coming to mind. I don’t really agree with that comment thought because a lot of cult films you just wouldn’t put on during a party.

Things are just too loud, too many annoying dudes fist pumping, too many chicks complaining they can’t understand what is going on. Many of my favorite movies are movies I found so I could pop them on during a party and gross people out. The movies always have to be simple and easy to come in at any moment and watch. The following is a collection of such movies. Enjoy.

10. Billy Madison

I choose this movie for all the wrong reasons, but it really is a great crowd pleasure. Especially for people specifically from my age group. This movie is beloved. Almost anyone you run into will be able to recite the movie almost word-for-word and enter into any part of the movie and know what is going on.

9. Don’t Mess with the Zohan

I’ve consistently said this is the best Adam Sandler movie ever made. It is one of my favorite comedies made in the past ten years. Totally underestimated. It is wall-to-wall hilarious at the most ridiculous level. Sure, I’m confident that people really effected by the Palestine-Israeli conflict probably aren’t huge fans of the slap-stick take on the whole subject, but I don’t think anyone at a party will notice.

8. Ichi the Killer

I love this movie. Love it through and through. That might be clouding my judgement on its ability to play well at a party. Takashi Miike is a fucking genius. This movie will offend everyone and give deep pleasure to those who bother to watch it. This might be an experimental party movie, test with the right crowd.

7. Cannibal The Musical

So I was watching a Troma movie so many years ago and caught a glimpse of trailer for a bizarre musical about Alfred Packer. I never had cable, so I had no idea who the fuck Trey Parker and Matt Stone were until many years later when I started to get recorded episodes of South Park from friends.

This is such a good movie with some genuinely catchy tunes. An odd fact about me is I’m a mega-huge fan of musicals. So putting them together with my love of gore and surreal comedy just works. It is also a huge crowd pleasure because people know and love Trey and Matt now.

6. Citizen Toxie

The best of all the Toxic Avenger films merely because of its superior production values – ironic as that may be because they’re not fantastic. Moreover, Citizen Toxie features all the things great about Troma: violence, nudity, bad costumes, subversive speeches given by bad performers. Good stuff.

5. Terror Firmer

My favorite of all Troma flicks. I don’t know why it isn’t more widely loved, but hey, people are fickle, especially fanboys.

4. Redneck Zombies

I’m actually going to admit I love Troma movies for the party situation. There actually might be too many on this list – but fuck it. This movie is so fucking good. Seek it out, it deserve to be sought. With fantastic gore effects, the film will get the females at the party grossed out.

On a side note, it was one of the first movies shot on video to get wide distribution. It deserved it.

In hindsight, they might as well just raise another ten or so grand and just shot the shit on film. Then again, back then editing off-line on video decks or non-linear platforms was not popular. Flat beds, which are shit, were expensive.

3. Tokyo Gore Police

My brother called me up in hysterics over this movie. It is available right now on netflix streaming. Pop it on at a party or a poker game or beer-pong tourney and people will be shitting themselves. It contains some of the goriest scenes ever put in a film. It is really close to Dead Alive – and that is saying something.

2. The Evil Dead Series

Needs no explanation. I’ll only say if you’ve been putting off seeing it for whatever reason, go right now and watch it.

1. Cannibal Holocaust

So good to put on at a party. It will shock everyone. My brother put it on at a party once and people were so disturbed they were asking to have it turned off. It is fiction, but gory fiction at its best. It contains animal deaths, which I’m against. But, somehow now that is has already been done, there is something strangely experimental about the death of real animals.

There is a theory that correctly assumes if you cut to someones blank face, then cut to something happening – let’s say a car crash for example. In this case the audience will apply an emotion to that face that isn’t really there. Similarly, perhaps the use of real animals convinced audience members (it did) that the human deaths they saw were real as well. Holocaust is a masterpiece and the best movie to throw on at a party.

Top Ten Uses of Special Effects for Great Storytelling

Okay, lets get real for moment – everyone knows the movies with the best special effects. We can argue all day about which was more important, why, where, when, how, etc. Most people would admit that Star Wars, Avatar, Titanic, and Lord of the Rings have the best special effects on an epic scale, but is bigger always better?

I’ve put together a list that I think is the films that use special effects for the purpose of great storytelling. That doesn’t mean this won’t include the bigger movies, but great visuals don’t always mean a great movie. The Fountain comes to mind…

10. Terminator 2

T2 is the best action movie ever made. It has set pieces that wow me every time I revisit the movie. The special effects are flashy, but are wrapped into such an incredible story that I can go back and watch over and over. I love Avatar, but can’t see the same type of longevity for it.

9. Minority Report

A minor master piece of sorts. It had very little hype for such a good movie and I actually didn’t even see it until it came to video -but holy shit is it fucking awesome. The scenes where Tom Cruise is escaping up the building while being pursued by the cops is my personal favorite.

8.  Brazil

This is the first movie where special effects really come into play in a secondary role to the story. Brazil follows a bureaucrat as he deals with an oppressive society. The visuals are still phenomenal and prove that action doesn’t really have to be everything in a special effects film.

7. Forrest Gump

I loved Forrest Gump when I first saw it but have grown less fond of it over the years. Its world view is morally bizarre. Having the wild female get AIDS and the do-what-your-told Gump be a millionaire? This is weird to me. Nonetheless, its use of effects as a way to inject Gump into our history was masterful if not a bit corny at times.

6. Citizen Kane

Say what you want about the movie, it has some of the most innovative uses of special effects for the sake of storytelling. Roger Ebert mentioned on Kane’s commentary tracks that it likely had just as many special effects shots as Star Wars, just employed for different reasons.

5. Star Wars Series

Not much to say really. The clip I choose wasn’t really special effects heavy but one of my favorite scenes in a movie, ever. I use to rewind it over and over again when I was little. It was scenes like this that fucked up my life.

4. Blade Runner

I bet a lot of people are going to flame the shit out of me, telling me that this is actually a style-over-substance example. But, I really think the story is the focal point. That is obviously not totally true, the story has a lot of problems but is fucking awesome.

3. 2001 Space Odyssey

I’ve grown more and more to think this might be the best movie ever produced.  Few other movies have produced special effects to describe the awe-spiring universe.

2. Lord of the Rings

I was going to put another one of Peter Jackson’s films on here, Dead Alive, as kind of a joke – but came to my senses. LOTR is one of the rare cases where epic special effects meet a epically well told story.

1. Pan’s Labyrinth

A heart breaking movie that happens to have some of the best monster effects ever made. The visual difficulty of making the movie could have easily overshadowed the emotional impact of the story, but Del Toro proved with this movie that he is far more than just an visual effects filmmaker.

Top Fifteen “Dad Movies”

I discussed what a Dad movie was in a previous article. There is a time in any man’s life when his father wants to bond with him and show him how real men act. He sits his son down and throws in a Dad Movie.

I was inspired by Kevin Smith’s explanation of making Cop Out knowing it wasn’t the greatest movie in the world, but that he simply wanted to make a movie his father would have enjoyed.

I get this thought process. I really do.

It is important to highlight that action movies are not Dad Movies. The two categories are closely related, but they are not the same. An action movie is something like Inception. Inception is certainly an action movie, but is a bit heavy for a Dad movie. Dad Movies are simple. They contain a lot of jacked guys and a lot of explosion. Action movies are the father of Dad Movies.

Lastly, I LOVE these movies. I am not trying to downgrade them whatsoever. They were the movies I was raised on. You think my father showed me Casablanca? Fuck no. He showed me Total Recall, Commando, Die Hard, Highlander, and other awesome movies. These flicks are part of my soul. There is also the subtle difference between a Guy Movie and a Dad Movie. The Godfather, Rocky, and Scarface are Guy Movies, not Dad Movies.

15. Predator

This is one of the coolest alien movies ever made. There are gems in it as well, such as the famous line, “I don’t got time to bleed.”. A quote my father and still say to this day. Also amazing is the scene where they shoot down rain forest with a mini-gun or when the Native American dude turns to fight the predator man-to-man. This is a classic.  Full of one-liners, body-counts, and even a moody atmosphere.

14. 300

One of the new movies on the list. A movie that proved that adults, especially men, still wanted hard R-rated action films. It tapped deep into something in men and remains one of the best Dad movies of the best decade.

13. The Matrix

A controversial choice for a Dad Movie considering it is a bit more cerebral then the aforementioned films, however, it has everything that makes up such a movie: Guns, explosions, inhuman feats of strength, hot chicks, and cool special effects. Maybe we think too much of The Matrix? After all, it is heavy influenced( some say ripped off) from more intelligent films such as Terminator and Ghost in a Shell.


12. Die Hard 2

Some people worship the Die hard series. I do in some respects, but I can’t get my head around certain elements. The second of is my person favorite, but I think the first one edges it out due to its fame and invention of “Die Hard formula”.

11. Die Hard


A great movie, but what the fuck is up with the ending? What the fuck was up with Reginald VelJohnson’s character at all? Do people forget this? That all of sudden that German dude comes back to life, after being hanged, and tries to shoot John McClane? Who approved that? But still, it is the classic Dad Movie. I feel like everyone has sat down with their old man and watched this moovie at some time in their lives.

10. Terminator 2

If you haven’t seen this movie in a while. Watch it. It is so fucking good. The action flows together in a way that just isn’t done anymore. The action happens in front of the camera and the special effects still hold up.

If the series had ended with this movie, it would remain the greatest two movie film series ever.

9. Speed

This film, famously called Die Hard on a bus, was shockingly good despite its seemingly stupid premise. It is exicting from beginning to end. Even after they jump a bridge and blow up an airplane, they go underground and blow up a train! Awesome.

8. Timecop

Hopefully you’ve heard of this one. It is smarter than it deserves to be and will surprise you with its fairly intelligent interpretation of paradoxes, time-travel, and the conflicts that would exist if one could go back in time.

7.Resident Evil

Another controversial one, but I fucking love this movie and know exactly why: It is a movie my father would love. Campy, bizarre, action-packed, violent, and not especially intelligent.

6. Demolition Man

This is another shockingly good movie. It is a sad reminder of how good Wesley Snipes was before he got arrested. Simon Fenix is one of my favorite action villains of all time. This is one of the few films that deserved a sequel.

5.Fortress

A lesser known movie. Go out and find this one. It isn’t as famous as other films made during that time, but what a fucking movie. Sex, violence, deadly-robots, evil smart computers, and fights to the death. Oh. Yeah.

4. Sudden Death

Another fantastic movie pulled from a seemingly stupid plot. It came at the end of the Die Hard rip-off era. Jean-Claude is forced to stop an evil villain from blowing up a hockey game. Spoiler Alert – Luckily, the game goes to sudden death.

3.Bloodsport

Jean-Claude plays Frank Dux who travels to Hong Kong in to participate in a deadly martial-arts tournament. This simple formula highlights some of the best coreghraphed fighting from the time. My father and I still agree that Van-Damme had the best physique of all the actions stars.

Yes, these are real conversations guys have and not just punch-lines from Mac in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. My father and I commented that he had the most natralitsic physique and, ironically, he is the only major star not to come forward about steroid use.

2.  Conan the Barbarian

Conan has to avenge his father against the voice of Darth Vader. It was one of the movies that introduced the world to the legendary Schwarzenegger. No one had seen a body like his, but also were entraced by his playful personality and ridiculous accent.

1.The Running Man

The ultimate Dad Movie. Adapted from a novella by Stephon King, it follows Arnold Schwarzenegger as he is cast into a reality game show where they hunt and kill you. Fantastically prophetic of King, he predicts the eventual extremism that TV would take.

-Collin

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