Jade Goody’s mum Jackiey Budden has said she is still haunted by horror flashbacks of when she washed her daughter’s dead body.
It is 10 years since Jade’s tragic death from cervical cancer, when she was just 27 years old.
But Jackiey has said it is no better despite being years later, and is still haunted by the horrific moment she washed and bathed her daughter’s dead body after she died.
She told This Morning’s Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield: "What I can’t get around is, I was the one who, when she passed, I was the one who bathed her, washed her and I get that flashback all the time.
Jackiey burst into tears on the sofa
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"The gravity, because it’s not a thing that you do, you don’t bury your daughter or your son. To watch her disintegrate was the worst.
"But as much as I miss her, I’m so pleased she’s out of pain – that’s what I pray for every time."
Jackiey broke down in tears as she watched clips of her daughter’s life, before admitting that things never get easier for her.
She said: "People say, ‘does it get easier or is it harder?’ but it’s the same every day because, I’m so sorry.
Jackiey struggled to watch clips of her daughter
"The hardest thing is, it doesn’t go away and obviously because she’s very well known, it still doesn’t go away. Even on the road everyone says, ‘Hi Jackiey, so lovely because of Jade,’ because of her legacy."
Jackiey described how she thought Jade was slightly frightened to have a smear test after having a procedure when she was 18, which Jackiey said showed her "fanny" up on screen.
She said she believes the drop off of women having smear tests is due to "embarrassment or scared-ness," which she is angered by as she feels there is nothing to be embarrassed by.
Jackiey added: "They got the boys as well, you can have injections for your son so that it stops boys passing it on to women from 14 and upwards.
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"Jade’s legacy, it’s like a kick in the teeth because it’s gone down the smear test, a lot of people don’t do it like they did a couple of years ago, it’s really dropped.
"It’s embarrasing or it’s scared. Come on, when you’re having babies and internals, there’s no such thing as embarrassed.
"If you’re pregnant you have internals or you’ve got an infection, so I don’t understand the embarrassment, I think it’s an excuse for scared-ness.
"It takes five minutes and I’ve never ever missed one."
Jackiey said she will be doing a documentary with Jack Tweed
Jackiey said that, since then, she has been "taken care of" by lots of fans, saying she receives at lesat 15 cards for Mother’s Day every year and presenters, including a Jade calendar from one family.
She says she talked to her grandchildren regularly, saying Jeff Brazier, their dad, is "a good dad," while trustees of Jade’s estate make sure the boys have eveyrthing they need.
Last week, Jackiey exclusively told Sunday People that she still sleeps with her daughter’s nightgown ten years after she has passed, as it brings her comfort.
She said: “It gives me strength, it still smells of her. I often put it in my bed. And when I have it I feel close to my Jade again.”
Jackiey spoke to Holly and Phil
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Jackiey added: “When she passed, I was the one who cleaned her. I wish I had never done it because the flashback never goes away and it’s awful.
“Her back was purple and blue. I had never been in that situation before. I washed her and cleaned her and when the body man came I left her face open.
“He promised me he wouldn’t do the zip up before I walked away. That doesn’t go away.
“I brought her into life so I took her out of it and that’s why I did it. I don’t regret it but the image won’t leave me.”
Jade Goody before her wedding to Jack
She and Jade’s widower Jack Tweed are taking part in a Channel 4 documentary to mark her anniversary, on March 22.
This Morning airs weekdays at 10.30am on ITV.
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