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Mimic Movie Review

 

Top Twenty Movies impossibleto get through without masturbating or “faping your way through cinema”.


Almost a year ago I made a list containing the movies that were impossible to get through without jerking off or playing with your vagina. It was essentially when I launched my site and it became the most popular article I’ve ever posted. For a good portion of the year if you searched “masturbating movies” our site would be in the top five results — fantastic.

Today I’m going to try to expand that list to 20. It will include previously discussed movies (unedited, but maybe with a few added comments), but also include many others that I hadn’t discusssed.

20. Original Sin

Most guys know this movie simply as the movie where Angelina Jolie gets naked and bangs Antonio Banderas — this is true. However, the movie might be one of those flicks where the sex scenes are the only thing the average person has ever seen (Monster’s Ball). The scene where Jolie and Banderas finally go at it is obviously the most famous, as well as the best, scene in the movie.

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#48 We just watched this on Netflix streaming: I Saw the Devil

 

The Film: I Saw the Devil

Here we have it folks, another masterpiece from South Korea. South Korea just seems to come out with fucking classics. I mean, I talk about the Mexican New Wave to a fault, but maybe I should be talking anout the Korean New Wave…I might like them more. Movies like Oldboy, The Chaser, The Good, the Bad, and the Weird, Spring Summer Autumn Winter…and Spring, Thirst, Lady Vengeance, Joint Security Area, and the list goes fucking on.

Creavity has no boundries in South Korean cinema. I’ve read that the influx of masterpieces is due to the S.Korean government backing the movie industry with tons of money. Regardless of the reason, the movies are fantastic.

I Saw The Devil is a great movie. It is a typical “cat and mouse” mystery, but with emotional considerations and violence that will shake you to the core.

The plot is that a secret agent finds out his wife has been murdered and he goes after the killer, but doesn’t murder him. Instead, he leaves him alive for reasons that only being to reveal themselves.

Why to watch it: Well, I hate to this, the effective use of gore and violence.

Let’s talk about gore and violence for a second — violence and gore is a good thing. But take Human Centipede, a movie thats entire premise is based around three people ass-to-mouthing it. Great!

But there was no story there. No plot or execution. Just ass-to-mouth. It is an important lesson: Ass-to-mouth + no plot = Bad Movie. Fine.

What sets the violence and gore of I Saw The Devil apart from movies like that is it has uncompromising thematic implications, fantastic performances, and beautiful photography. Or, to put it another way: It is a great fucking movie. It is well made.

No movie shouldn’t be made because of excessive gore or violence, but movies like I Saw The Devil prove that gore and violence can be used for more than just shock value.

Pay attention to this:  The murky waters between good and evil.

We all wonder what we’d do if someone killed one of our loved ones (or maybe that is just me). Soo-hyun is put to the test when his wife is brutally murdered by a sadistic serial killer. He goes on a hunt and tortures possible suspects. When he finds the killer he doesn’t murder him, he only prolongs the killer’s pain before he eventually murders him. By the end we’re meant to wonder where revenge stops being justified and if we do evil against evil whether we might become evil ourselves.

This movie might be a masterpiece. I’m not sure…time will tell.

 

 

-Collin


 

Tree of Life – Movie Review

The movie opens with the following: “There are two ways through life, the way of nature and the way of grace,” says a mother from the fifties. A laughable simplification of actual human existence, but she was only a housewife.

Tree of Life doesn’t really work. It is hard to separate myself from the fact that I like it when directors swing for the fences. However, Tree of Life is just a bad movie.

Malick is an incredibly talented person, but maybe the conventions of narrative films exist for a reason? Maybe movies like this don’t come around much because they’re bound to be fail unless the filmmakers hit a mark that is so very small.

There are extraordinary moments. The sequence containing the birth of the universe all the way up to the dinosaurs and beyond might be one of the best sequences of all time. I can’t wait to watch it again. Never have I been so captivated by a moment in a movie. Maybe the movie works just because of those fifteen minutes?

The problem is the movie’s narrative structure works against itself. It is told in typical Malick fashion with the whispering, contemplative voice-overs, but has too much of a boring central story about a Dad who flips out at his kids once and a while. Yes, it is a touching movie that will make you think, but that doesn’t mean it succeeded in being an entertainment or metaphysical consideration of the cosmos and spirituality.

Another failure of a movie, The Fountain, had similar faults: Its heart was in the right place, but dealt with the madness of our existence without narrative boundaries — a tactic that should not be adopted when trying to make a thoughtful film.

Maybe Malick, indeed, wanted to make a visual poem. That is fine and dandy, but when the conventions of even the most experimental narratives break down, you lose your audience.

The movie’s plot is right there in front of you: A snap-shot of a man who is still dealing with the death of his little brother. We see his childhood, his father who likes to be a dick once and while, and his mother who is considered as a saint. The characters are boring and Malick is so busy whispering about stuff, we never really get to know them. Sure, the Dad wishes he was more, the son wishes his father would act as he preaches, and the mother…well…I’m not sure. She is something. Loving? Very.

My interpretation of the movie is a religious one. Many other interpretations exist and will be endlessly discussed. None of that really matters. But I can’t separate myself from Malick’s childlike, religious imagery.

 

I did occasionally find the spiritual exploration touching and effective, but the whispering and cut-aways for their own sake damage the movie. The moments of 2001: Space Odyssey — a far superior movie —  that are the most effective are in complete silence aside from music and sound effects.

What need is there for the whispering questions on existence and explanations of a character’s inner conflict? I know that is how Malick rolls, but so many and so frequently? Also, was I the only one who was annoyed by the endless cut-aways to nature photography?

Like I mentioned before though, the moments that do work are incredible. The reasons for Malick including the “creation” section in the middle is unknown to me. I can only guess because we only occupy a small time and space in the universe and it is better understood when things are out of order…maybe?

I think the ending of the movie is a disaster. Not because I revolt at the concept of a heaven (which I sort of do), but because its imagery is too transparent for the average viewer. I’m guessing 80% of people consider the ending heaven in some form. I don’t — but I might be wrong. Malick leaves a little room for guessing, but only a little.

Malick’s questions and introspection, imagery and wonder of nature and the cosmos, is that of a child. And maybe that is the point? He looks at nature and spirituality with a heightened awareness.

But is two hours of “look at that” enough? I’m not knocking poetry. I’m not even knocking Malick. I’m knocking boring movies and childish considerations of a complex universe. For those who have never considered such questions and events — The Big Bang, the (maybe) endless universe, death, and, above all of those, how life formed — this movie might be nauseatingly profound. What was most special about these segments was how it visualized a lot of things I’d spent so many nights trying to imagine in my mind.

Stripped of its spiritual messages, narrative structure, and thematic implications, Life is one of the great visual triumphs of medium. Emmanuel Lubezki proves time and time again that he is one of the greatest cinematographers working today.  As a part of the Mexican New Wave I mention constantly, he provides an endlessly fascinating techqniue that combines practical lighting and creeping wide-angle shots. The movie owes a lot to him considering how much of the movie is devoted to beautiful images of nature.

I feel myself smirking because anyone reading this can tell that there is a lot I like about the movie, but I feel myself making  a defense about why the movie remains a failure.

It is too direct. It is too preachy. Too boring. Too redundant. Too childlike in its contemplation of the universe and our place in it. You may appreciate the poetic images of a boy emerging through a door that is underwater or people moving through “gates” and “door ways”, but I didn’t. And plus, the “nice dinosaur” segment was embarrassing — again, like a child.

2001 was rejected in its time. Maybe this one will grow on me? But 2001 is ambiguous and considers the universe with awe. Tree of Life doesn’t really have much to be ambiguous about.

 

#47 We just watched this on Netflix streaming: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

The Film: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Months ago I reviewed the first Teenage Mutant Ninja turles movie, which is kind of of masterpiece in its own way. But TMNT was always my older brother’s thing, maybe even a few years old than him. TMNT hit at the end of the eighties and beginning of the 90s when I was still a toddler. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was definitely more my thing — I remember recording episodes before I went to my baby sitters in the morning (I was around 7 or 8). 

Regardless, I was really, really into the Power Rangers. Like, insanely into them. I had all the action figures, the tapes, all the little bullshit things they sell you – I had them all. I’ve since rewatched the series on T.V. (they’re reissuing the series as brand new, just with a few different graphics) and it does NOT stand the test of time, however the movie sort of does.

 

Why to watch it: It still holds up.

The production values of the T.V. series were always a problem — they looked like shit. The power rangers were always an attempt to combine Kaiju (guy in a monster suit) and group fighting programs like the Ninja Turtles. Often the shows looked like cobbled together messes with long “monster-in-a-suit” segments. Man the show is bad. However, the movie has good production values, decent acting, and a decent villain.

All the suits look a little better, Lord Zedd actually looks kind of scary, and Ivan Oozes makeup is actually kind of cool.

 

Pay attention to this: Content for kids.

There really isn’t much to pay attention to besides the fact that the movie represents kind of the last American live-action series that captured the imagination of our youth. And I’m not saying that as a “oh, back then things were better’ way, because they weren’t. What I am saying is since then much of what is shown on T.V. for kids is bad Japanese Anime, poorly adapted from Japan for kids.

Ironically, or maybe not, Power Rangers was a rip-off from Japan as well, but it seemed to create its own, singular nineties identity. Now all the cartoons and shows are weird and bizarre Pokemon rip offs. There isn’t anything really like The Rangers or Ninja Turtles. Everything is Japanese now, but that isn’t bad — it is weird is what is.

Like, how did those type of shows take over the market almost entirely? The one shining achievement of modern kids shows is The Last Airbender, which is a masterpiece.  Anyway, there really isn’t too much to say about this one besides Amy Jo Johnson is hot (she’s been in a nude scene since) and it is a really fun watch for fans —  everyone else might want to stay away from this one.

 

-Collin


 

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