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By Collin, on October 29th, 2010

Catfish
Catfish one of the most audacious documentaries I’ve seen. It follows Nev Shulman as he begins a romantic relationship with a woman online. When Nev is struck with a curiousity that she might not be who she says she is, he and the filmmakers crash her house unexpectedly. I won’t say anymore because the surprise is part of the fun.
Well, not really….I went in knowing the outcome. If anything, cutting through the hype heightened the experience. Some have called it disturbing. Some have called it timely. Some have even called it fake. I don’t really care what the fuck people call it, it is one of the most unique documentaries ever made.
It is real and anyone who says otherwise is just kidding themselves. I was talking shit before I saw it, saying there is no reason it could be THAT shocking. I was angry at the way it was cleverly marketed, as if they were going to find a two-headed monster. It is indeed shocking, but not in anyway it has been described in the commercials.
My brother urged me to go. He said, “It looks really fucking scary, man!”. Well, it wasn’t scary, but instead was tragic and struck deep empathy in me.
It has one of the most “real” moments ever put on camera. It is a scene which couldn’t be faked. It is sweet and sentimental. It sums up something about the human condition that would be tough to express in another artistic form.
See it.
For those who have seen it or just don’t give a fuck….read on.
Collin Says: A -
You’ll Say: A
———————————————–SpoilerAlert————————————–
What makes this documentary flabbergasting is the people that occupy it are so fucking likable. The film was shot and directed by Nev’s brother Ariel and their friend Henry Joost. They travel to Michigan in order to find Nev’s online girlfriend Megan, and instead find only Megan’s mother Angela Pierce.
Many, including myself, would not have been as bold as Nev. He storms to the door to confront whoever is inside fearlessly. I admire him a great deal for this. Even when his brother Ariel is freaking out, worried someone might attack him, he is cool-headed, fluffy, and steadfast. Equally amazing is Angela’s reaction to them showing up.
She was obviously caught. So why was she so friendly and amicable? Well, I broke it down to two things:
A: She is a character in a fictional film
or
B: She is a fascinating human being who is in love with Nev and wanted to be caught.
My shock was not what Nev and the filmmakers found, but how they, and Angela, responded to the confrontation. I would have ran for the hills, especially when I met her husband.
There are moments in the film where it is clear Angela is deeply in love with Nev. It are these moments that make me laugh at people who think it’s fake. Meryl Streep couldn’t emulate those looks.
Instead of reacting brashly or sardonically, Nev is only understanding. Yes, he knows a camera is rolling, but the kindness and reassurance he provides Angela is touching. She compliments him lovingly on his eyes and smile while she sketches him. Nev politely smiles back.
The moment when Angela confesses her reasoning for fabricating the whole story is one of the great moments I’ve had at the movies all year. She confesses that her connection to Nev was not just about him, but about his attachment to dancing, art, culture….another life.
Many have called this a social networking wake up call, but I really don’t think it should ever be simplified to that. Was there not relationships like this before Facebook, Myspace, WOW, Second Life, and many others? Wasn’t this just as likely to happen over the phone? Much of it was, after all.
Instead, what makes this movie so amazing is it shows a person filled with deep regret over a life unfulfilled. She longed for an out from her disabled children and moronic husband. She found pleasure from living a second life through fictional people and felt a very real attachment to Nev.
I didn’t like the origin of the title. It came off as desperately literary. With Angela there literally is no need. She is epic enough.
Check back next Sunday November 6 for our podcast film review on this movie and others.
-Collin
By Collin, on October 26th, 2010

Hereafter – Clint Eastwood is a humanist cockstar
(Skip through the different sections if you want)
Why Eastwood is the best living director:
It took me around five years to get my brother Devon to come around on Clint Eastwood. After twisting his arm to watch Million Dollar Baby, I think Eastwood’s finally captivated him.
Long ago I made a greatest living directors top ten list, which I might re-post, but if anything, Clint is now number one. He is the top dog amongst directors still making movies. I had number one as Martin Scorsese, but that just doesn’t feel right anymore. Eastwood is the best of them all, the big dick swinging, and it is hard to say why.
I think, most of all, it is because the deep sense of humanism that embodies all his films. I don’t know exactly what that means, because you can play hard and fast with the word humanism, but basically you can tell that Eastwood cares deeply for characters, and vicariously, all human beings.
What other director would make the film Flags of our Fathers, then immediately release an equally sensitive movie from the Japanese perceptive? Would Spielberg make a German movie in response to Saving Private Ryan? Of course not.
Eastwood couldn’t go without making an humanist story about two groups of human beings driven by duty and sense of sacrifice. Yes, the Germans and Japanese were despicable, but they were, after all, just people.
Hereafter:
Hereafter is my favorite movie of the year. I don’t think it is better than The Social Network, which I think is the best film of the year and a 100% perfect movie, but Hereafter will rock your soul. It is flawed, but sweet and powerful. It is a movie for smart people who care deeply for their fellow man
It follows the lives of George (Matt Damon), Marie (Cecile De France), and Marcus (Frankie or George Mclaren) as their stories, and tragedies, seemingly unrelated, begin to converge. It reminded me a great deal of Babel in terms of its structure. I always say the more specific you focus on a life or theme, the more universal it becomes. This is true, but what could have been a cheese-ball movie about spirituality is devastatingly existential.
George is a psychic tortured by the fact he can learn about people’s innermost secrets by speaking to the dead. He resigned to a peaceful life outside of the psychic professional, while Marie and Marcus experience tragedies I won’t ruin. But I will mention to pay attention to the way Eastwood shoots the disaster that happens with Marie and consider the difference between that and, say, an Emmerich disaster movie.
I don’t think it is 100% fact that George can indeed speak to spirits. There are only flashes of the afterlife, which are not proof positive that they are real. However, there is a moment where George speaks to one of the characters about his hat (you’ll know the one) that George could not have known without supernatural gifts. But I argue that I’ve seen mentalists and illusionists do much more incredible things. Have you seen Derren Brown?
Why Hereafter is great:
Hereafter is NOT about whether or not there is an afterlife. Eastwood knows that would just be breaking the age old question: How can we really know? But instead, the movie is about why human beings need the belief of the afterlife. This is why it is a great movie.
We are the only known creatures in the universe with the capacity to understand our mortality. What a fantastic gift. But with this capacity comes all the other exclusively human feelings. The film questions: If not for the afterlife, how else could we love each other so deeply, but know the switch could get flipped off at anytime?
Doesn’t sound that original? It isn’t, but Eastwood deals with the characters with tenderness and empathy that few directors can get near.
People showing up will fill in the blanks where they need to about what the movie feels toward heaven, spirituality, and will even pontificate on Eastwood’s own beliefs. I’ve read that the film’s writer Peter Morgan doesn’t believe in an afterlife and Eastwood says this about the afterlife:
I don’t know what I think about it. I probably tend to think, you’re here for the time you’re here, and you should do the best you can for the time you’re here, and appreciate it and move on. That’s rather simplistic, but that’s where I come out.
I’m not going to read into that too much, but I only mention this because I hope that people find pleasure from this movie in its exploration of human truths, not spiritual ones.
Lastly, people doing bad things, death, and many other things in movies don’t make me too upset. What gets me blubbery is when good people are trying to be good, trying to help others, or sacrificing their own pleasure for the greater good of someone else.
One scene in Hereafter got me, and pretty much the whole audience, teary eyed. There is a scene I’ll just have to ruin for the sake of discussion, where George gives a reading to Marcus about his brother that died. George seemingly lies about a section of the reading, and in doing so, reaffirms Marcus that he isn’t alone. This act of kindness touched me deeply, but it is up to the audience to choose whether such a lie is evil or kind…I’m not sure.
The film suffers only from a bit of a bizarre ending, but how else could you end a movie like this?
-Collin
I say: A
You’ll say: B-
By Collin, on October 26th, 2010
Top Ten Scariest Films
Read the intro first, please!!
Dopeness vs Scariness:
The following are not examples of the “best” horror movies! They are the scariest. My brother and I discussed this at length on our podcast. It is important to note the difference between “dopeness” and “scariness” My brother and I fleshed out the difference as dopeness is enjoying violence whilst scariness is fearing the violence…. I think that makes sense. Regardless, a quick comment on scariness:
Horror films and the “gotcha” moment:
I hate most horror films for two reasons and most American horror films are guilty of both.
1. Too much character development:
I don’t care about the background of a person who is just going to get hacked up. The age old defense of this is that when people “care” about the characters there is more empathy, therefore more fear. True, but it just doesn’t work in teen slasher movies. I could go into why, but this is a top ten list.
2. Fucking “gotcha moments”:
I fucking hate them. If Paranormal Activity is the best American horror can give, we’re in a lot of trouble…..a lot. When I go on a haunted hay ride and a mother fucker jumps out at me….I’m scared. Why? Because I , like you, evolved from apes to be pumped full of adrenaline when shit jumps out at me
 The vicious kitty herself. How could such a thing scare me? Because being startled isn't hard!
Recently, my kitty Nibs jumped out at me from behind a closet and I screamed, “Holy, fucking, shit!”. My heart was raising. She’s so cute and precious and if she could talk would have said, “Gotcha!”. Having loud music when things jump out, and shit like that, is not scary. It is talentless garbage.
Get with the program people. Real life serial killers are scary. Weirdness is scary. Surrealism is scary. Madness is scary. Excellent use of mood and atmosphere is scary. The size and expansion of the universe is scary….but that is a different story. Anyway, movies that really are scary:
The list
10. Halloween

I hate adding this because it is guilty, more than any other movie, for ruining and perfecting modern American horror. It gave American horror a masterpiece to emulate. Regardless, this is a great movie. Scary, tense, and patient. Its violence is VERY tame by today’s standards, which is mad lame, but what are you going to do.
9. The Shining

I got tons of shit for having this at number 9. Maybe I’m wrong. But I think it is too “dope” to be taken too seriously as a scary film. But what about the twins and naked rotting lady? Well, that IS really scary. That is why it is on the list. And of course the dude in a dog suit might be one of the scariest shots in American horror.
8. Open Water

This is a little indie movie that a lot of people probably haven’t seen. It is based on a real life couple that got left off the coast of Port Douglas, Australia when they were scuba diving. The couple is stung by jelly fish, eaten by sharks, and all kinds of shit. This movie made me want to vomit for some reason. I have an irrational fear of the ocean and especially being left alone at sea. Fucking gross.
7. 28 Days later

FAST ZOMBIES! Finally! This movie is fucking awesome. It might be too dope to land on this list but I don’t care. Fast zombies are scary as shit. The ruthlessness of the human beings is hella’ disturbing.
6. Jacob’s Ladder

A movie I don’t watch much. I hate it because of the way it makes me feel. It is so weird. So fucking surreal that I can’t handle it. Sometimes movies just nail “a feel” and make it really uncomfortable to watch.
5. Rosemary’s Baby

Most people suck this movie’s dick. I think it is a masterpiece, but I don’t want to over do it too much. It is a bit dated but nails technique, mood, and style.
4. Inland Empire

A two hour + ride with David Lynch doing whatever he wants. Period.
3. Inside

A french masterpiece. Find the uncut version for christ sake. Moreover, it is the pinnacle of the new french extremity. A genre which if you haven’t checked out. Check it out now.
2.Repulsion

A black and white movie from the 60s being scary? Believe it. No bullshit. See this movie. It has one of the only gotcha moments I think is earned. Before Polanski’s wife got murdered and EVEN before he decided butt banging young girls was all good, he made this masterpiece. A disturbing movie by a disturbed dude.
1.The Exorcist

The scariest movie of all time…in my opinion. It is a horror movie in the truest sense of the word and ends with only dread and despair. I’m going to be watching this one on Halloween….I wanna see if it still has got it.
by Collin Gilbert
By Collin, on October 24th, 2010
Halloween Movie Podcast Schedule:
(Podcast after ad at bottom – Just press play. skip around – check it out)
Top Ten Scary Movies #10 – #8
Collin’s Reviews
Hereafter Review

Let Me In Review

Top Ten Scary Movies #7-#5
Devon’s Movie Reviews:
Carriers Review

Night of the demons

Frozen

Top Ten Scary Movies #4-#2
Dvd pick of Week!! Halloween themed
Scariest Move #1
Podcast: Play in new window
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By Collin, on October 22nd, 2010
Jackass 3-D review – kinda’ – mostly me bitching about how they were mean to animals.

Jackass 3-D was pretty lame and they were a little mean to animals, which is annoying.
The Animal stuff:
Yes, I kind of have to say it, Jackass 3-D was too mean to animals. It has never bothered me before, but this time I just felt a little weird. I’m not an extremist when it comes to animal cruelty, but I just think the movie took it too far. I don’t like seeing animals being taken advantage of for our entertainment. It just isn’t nice. I’m a card carrying carnivore and eat meat 6 to 7 times a day, but having scared and confused animals perform tricks and aggressions for human amusement is stupid. Also, I’m well aware that the stunts were monitored by special interest animal groups such as American Humane Association (ironically?). But many of the stunts did go unmonitored.
Also, even on top of that, I read that some of the shots were faked – such as the snake pit with Bam, so that there was no actual snakes in there, but still, it sits weird with me. Why have to fake them? It says the wrong things about people and animals….I think?
The argument that the Jackass crew is doing worst things to themselves is not an acceptable excuse for doing cruel(ish) things to animals. The Jackass crew are human beings and can use reason to decide danger vs non-danger. The animals are scared and defending themselves with fight or flight and when they run and hit people….it is kind of fucked up.
This might sound like babyish bitching, ha maybe it is, but the point is you shouldn’t take advantage of an animal’s fears for personal entertainment. It begs the question: What is too far? Blood sport is too far, obviously, but where do we draw the line?
For example, Steve-O, a proud vegan and animal activist, said he felt a twinge of guilt over getting in the ring with a ram and having it run full blast at him. Why did he feel this way? Because it is fucked up. That little ram is scared shitless and thinks they’re going to hurt him. Moreover, Ryan Dunn was using a French Horn and the ram ran its head into the horn. Now I know that its head is designed to take an unbelievable amount of force, but it is the principle. The poor little bastard doesn’t deserve that, it just isn’t necessary.
Moreover, Knoxville thinks it is hilarious to get himself nailed by a buffalo…and so it is, but it isn’t necessarily cool that they’re putting the buffalo at risk by having it run at him full force and hit him. I’m sure it poses little threat to the buffalo, but c’mon man, what’s the point? It’s like the bee thing. They filled a apparatus with bees and hit it like a tether ball. Sure, bees suck, but they don’t have to be swatted and or killed for a laugh. I read that very few of the bees were real, mostly CGI, but still, lame.
Anyway, the movie, real quick:
The gags were…alright. I found myself just wanting more. After the second film’s terrorist skit I can’t get to that level of awesomeness.
The staginess was also bothersome and I know that just comes with the project, but sometimes it was just too much. A lot of the skits went on too long such as the gorilla skit and Knoxville as an old person. The opening and closings were really the low point. They were just too obsessed with being 3-D. Yes, 3-D is cool, but they ain’t James Cameron. Do what you’re good at.
A perfect example of my gripe would be the tee ball to Steve-o’s dick scene. Here’s how it SHOULD have gone down:
Either A.) It is a quick fade-in, BOW, ball goes into his dick, fade-out. That is hilarious. Because it is mysterious, weird, and just insane. The build up was too big for something that wasn’t that clever.
Or B.) The camera plays tricky in revealing exactly what is happening…then bam, shot in the balls.
I don’t know, maybe it is the old skate boarder in me, but this film just felt too polished.
Collin says: C
-Collin
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