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By Collin, on May 15th, 2010

Ichi the Killer

Here we have a masterpiece. I was called up by my brother and the conversation went something like this:

My brother: “So there’s this movie I just saw. Ichi the killer. I’ve never seen anything like it. You’ll definitely love it, man. Trust me.”

Me: “Yeah? What’s it about?”

My brother: “Hmm. Well, there is this killer who runs around in a super-hero suit and gets a boner when watching people hurt each other. He is kinda hunted by this Yakuza crime guy with Joker-like cuts on his face.”

Me: “You mean a Glasgow smile…”

My brother: “What? Sure. But seriously, man. This movie is good. Like, you’ll definitely love it.”

And so I did. This is one of my favorite movies I saw this year. I recommend it only to those who are daring cinemaphiles. It is truly a masterpiece of shock-cinema. I wanted to stand up and clap.

The film is about sadomasochism…I think? It follows Kikihara, a Yakuza grunt who has the Joker-like cuts on his face. In one of the most extraordinary sequences I’ve seen in the past few years, Kikihara takes the rings out of his mouth so his Glasgow smile can expand with his cuts, he gets punched, and catches the fist in his mouth.

I almost teared up with joy.

I don't know where this picture came from, wherever it did, thanks.

Moreover, Kikihara is asked to investigate the murder of his boss and the killer turns out to be one of the weirdest characters I’ve ever seen.

I won’t go into the plot more because contextually it might sound too ludicrous and turn potential viewers off from the film. The plot is not important, what is important is the execution of some of the most enjoyable/ludicrous/fun/vomit-inducing scenes I’ve ever witnessed.

Takashi Miike, in my eyes, went from being an obscure, Japanese, B-film director, to a true auteur. I haven’t been as excited about a movie since I came across an (at-the-time) obscure film called Battle Royale. Another masterpiece of Asian cinema.

One of the finest moments from Ichi involves a scene where Ichi, a murderer, is spying on a man brutalizing a prostitute. He is sexually aroused by this act. Ichi slices the man in half in defense of the prostitute…or wait…maybe not in defense? He proceeds to explain to the prostitute that he wants to beat her up too, the audience thought he was kind, but the scene shifts from heroic, to murderous, to slap-stick, to just utterly bizarre. It might be the best scene ever in a film of this kind. I say this with irony, there may not be films of this kind.

Release Date: 2001

I say: A+

You’ll say: Who knows?

By Collin, on May 8th, 2010

We’re looking for just scares here.

10. Dawn of the Dead (original)

Scene: Opening Cop scene

There is something about the opening of this film that turns my stomach. When the cops burst in on all the residents feasting away, there is a freaky realism that is hard to catch with crisp, realistic special effects.

9. Inside

Scene: Killer revealed through back door.

This scene is just plain scary. It is not a cheap scare either. It is revealed through cinematic craftsmanship and is geniunely scary. Good stuff.

8. Cannibal Holocaust

Scene: Ending scene. (Especially the fella’ getting his john thomas cut off)

This is one of the few movies that really could have every single scene be on this list. It is one of the scariest movies ever.

7.Mulholland Drive

Scene: When the old couple is up in Nioami Watt’s face at the end.

Lynch takes up 30% of this list.

6. Evil Dead

Scene: When the dead chick’s head pops out from the basement.

Sam Raimi’s series turned slap-stick but the original really does have geniune scares.

5. The Shining

Scene: Jack Nichelson makes out with that naked, dead chick.

I love scenes that don’t have cheap scares. This is the perfect example of one.

4. Blue Velvet

Scene: Dennis Hopper Scene

If you haven’t scene it describing it does no justice. I always wonder what finiancers thought when they were reading through that part of the script.

3. The Exorcist

Scene: Head spin + Vomit

I hate putting this on the list. It is so cliche, but i have to. The film overall isn’t too scary. The whole film aims at this scene and man does it pay off well.

2. Repulsion

Scene: Seeing a man in the mirror.

This movie is insane. This scene is a “shock” scene, with the music and everything. But it is built up to for around forty minutes. The shock also exists inside her damaged mind. Please go see this movie if you haven’t seen it. It really is better than Rosemary’s Baby.

1. Inland Empire

Scene: The main actress running toward the screen and screaming.

I talked about this film often in film school. Every student I would chat with brought up this scene. Lynch never made a horror movie, but Inland Empire comes as close to a straight horror movie as films come. I remember commenting to my brother that Lynch’s switch to digital tape freed him of any financial constraints, and therefore, producer interference. Watching Inland Empire really feels like your stuck in the mind of a madman for close to three hours.

By Collin, on May 8th, 2010

10. Super Mario Bros.
This movie is so bad it is kind of good. It might be the biggest failure in filmmaking history though.

9. Wing Commander

I’ve seen this movie recently and man, it is a disgrace to such a cool game. Wing Commander was probably the first video game I ever really got into. Whatever, still cool to watch.

8. Max Payne

This movie is fucking awful. Wait I’m doing the good movies, right? Yep. But video game adaptations suck. My brother and I adore this video game, but the movie was a little cool to watch.

7. Silent Hill

It really is a decent film. The video game is so fucking scary though. You might want to stick with the video game.

6. Hitman

This is one of the few movies that is actually better than the video game. I hated, hate, and will always hate the Hitman series. The film is violent, action-packed, and totally unrelated to the original.

5. Stree Fighter

I don’t know where to put this movie on the list. A few years ago it would have been higher. I loved this movie as a kid and adored Van Damme and Raul Julia. Then I watched it again a few months ago and yikes…

4. Mortal Kombat

I have to take serious issue with Paul Anderson’s films. I want to dislike the man, but can’t. His movies are okay. This is one of his best. Plus, the soundtrack to this film is great. That techno single, god damn that is badass. (Note: Christopher Lambert as Raiden biggest miscast ever?)

3. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

I am a huge Final Fantasy fan. I’ve beaten nearly ever single US released version and awaited the release of this film like the second coming of jesus. FF7, Tactics, and FF8 had been released leading up to this movie. I was floored. It ended up being a weird science fiction film. Real good movie, but almost ruined Squaresoft financially and I never got into it. It had NOTHING to do with the video games. Then Advent children was released. (*Gulp* I just puked a little.)

2. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

I really like this movie a lot. Angelina Jolie is so sexy, playing the role as well as a series actress can. She gives real legitmacy to this movie. Danial Craig is also a lot of fun as her love interest who is on the wrong side. It is so dumb, but so fun.

1. Resident Evil 1,2,3

Really? Yes and trust me, I know good movies. It took me almost 5 years to except these movies were good. I was furious seeing them for the first time. I thought, “How could you do this?! This videogame changed videogames! It could have been the scariest film ever made! I could write a better movie any day of the fuckin’ week”. When this annoyance passed. I started to really enjoy the audacity of these action action/horror films. It is a series I watch often now. But regardless, this genre remains one of worst genres in filmmaking.

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